Last night was your first night in your very own room. We had a really tough week with lack of sleep as you were awake from 2am to 4.30am each night this week just chatting to yourself and singing sweetly. I felt like I couldn’t go on yesterday with tiredness so decided to try you in your own room.
I moved your cot into the nursery with the rocking chair and couldn’t wait to see how you would get on. I was actually excited to finally have my own room back where I could catch up on soaps, read with the lights on if I wanted and also chat to my husband without worrying we would wake you.
Last night as I was putting you into your bed clothes and reading you a story it all of sudden hit me that this little munchkin may possibly never be in our bedroom again to sleep. My little baby that was so tiny to hold only a few months ago was getting big and not only could you sit up on your own but now had your very own room. It feels like only yesterday we brought you home and had you in our bedroom for the first night, checking on you every half an hour. One of the last times I was in your room, I had been decorating it with my huge bump and was so excited to meet our little bundle of joy. My husband and I sat on the floor with a cup of tea chatting about what we thought you were going to be, a boy or a girl and who you would look like. All these thoughts raced through my head last night as I walked up the stairs with you.
As I sat on the rocking chair, getting ready to feed you, you threw your arms around me and put your head to my chest as if you just knew.
I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and I began to blubber.
My little baby, where has the time gone. 6 months already. I love you more than life itself. How will I cope when you want to go to your first birthday party or your first night away? How will I let go of my first born? Every single day you breath is another day I have to make sure you are safe and nothing ever happens you. Every day I hug and kiss you so many times I’ve lost count, what will I do when you wipe away my kisses and don’t want hugs anymore?
As you begin to fall asleep and suck on your bottom lip, I kiss your forehead and you smile, wit your eyes closed as if to say “it’s okay mammy“. I put you down and check you from head to toe before leaving you to sleep in your own room. My husband couldn’t really understand why I was so upset with tears rolling down my cheeks when he got home from dinner with friends, and I couldn’t explain either. As I turned the lights off in my own room, I check on you one last time to make sure you were okay, and you were out for the count. Munchkin, I checked on you every hour on the hour last night and not just to make sure you were okay, but also so that I would be okay.
You slept through the night soundly, and when you woke at 6 am, you serenaded us with your sweet singing and I missed being able to put my hand out to hold yours. When I went in to say good morning, you gave me the widest smile I have ever seen and I knew you were okay.
Little man, no matter where you sleep, no matter how big you get, where you travel to in the world, you will always be my baby boy, and I will always be your mammy xxx